Father asks internet for high fives; still waiting
In uncertain times, the universe often offers an event humanity can rally behind. Last year it was Tiger King. The year before that, Bird Box. And this year, it’s Bean Dad. John Roderick, a man whose bio says he is a singer and podcaster, took to the internet to recount a day in the life of the Roderick household. See, Roderick was filling out an application for NATO Cosmic Top Secret clearance when was interrupted by… whoops. Sorry. He was working on a jigsaw puzzle when his 9-year-old daughter asked for assistance in opening a can of baked beans.
What happened next is peak internet.
For six hours, Roderick watched his daughter struggle with the can opener, ignoring her requests for assistance or instruction. At one point, the father told his daughter that neither of them would eat until she could figure out the mechanism for the can opener.
So, yesterday my daughter (9) was hungry and I was doing a jigsaw puzzle so I said over my shoulder “make some baked beans.” She said, “How?” like all kids do when they want YOU to do it, so I said, “Open a can and put it in pot.” She brought me the can and said “Open it how?”
— john roderick (@johnroderick) January 2, 2021
It was.. a lot. The long thread detailed every moment of the child’s struggle.
At the end of the totally healthy parenting lesson, Roderick’s daughter finally successfully opened the beans. No word on if the legumes tasted like brown sugar and hickory or little girl fury mixed with spite.
And now, a random sampling of things you can do in six hours:
- Fly from Atlanta to Rome
- Mix, bake, frost, and decorate a cake
- Buy a storage shed from a home improvement store, take it home, install it in your backyard, and move your patio furniture inside
- Down four shots of tequila, then spell the word ‘contemporaneously’ backwards and while standing on one leg
In series of 23 tweets, the proud papa told the story of how his daughter learned an Important Lesson in perseverance and determination, then waited for the adulation to come forth.
‘Feed your kid’ was the first reply. And then the deluge came.
So I know this isn’t an “Am I The Asshole” post but my guy you’re the asshole
— Elle M. (they/them) (@ellle_em) January 3, 2021
I didn’t attend my step-father’s funeral. You remind me of him.
Selfish, me the butt of his jokes and pranks. Because of him, I left home at 16. My mother let it happen. I don’t speak to her to this day. This was not cool.
— Get Out Trump, Countdown! (@ctv556) January 3, 2021
Teaching – I do it to show them, we do it together, they do it on their own (with my help), they help one another.
You failed at the first step. You want her to figure shit out? Get a 3D puzzle or model. You want her to be a happy, healthy kid? FEED HER.
— Briana (@Buffra) January 3, 2021
Parenting theatre. You nailed it. This is what cheeses so many of us off about this story. Those of us who grew up with dads teaching us through their “parenting theatre ensembles” know it’s code for Absolute Horseshit. #parentingtips #bs #tiresome #whyiquitlisteningtothepod
— Mo (@Lukifer7) January 3, 2021
I’m a teacher and this is absolutely horrible teaching. There is no intellectual benefit to intentionally frustrating your student. You could’ve shown her how to do it 1 time and she would’ve gained the same knowledge The pleasure you took at her struggle borders on sadistic.
— Dr. Anthony Slouchy (@kevinsmurray) January 3, 2021
A few people came to Bean Dad’s defense, with one Twitter user offering examples of how her mother made sure she learned how to sew.
I was making my own clothes at 10. When I told my mother I didn’t understand the pattern instructions she said keep reading it until you do. Because of this I can read any instructions and explain them to others. At the time I thought she was horrid but she taught me well. 🙂
— ThePeacockFeather (@peacockjewels) January 3, 2021
Overall, Twitter couldn’t believe Roderick would not only put his daughter through a six-hour parenting lesson, but would go on the internet to brag about it. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez summed up the internet’s mood (as usual) with the succinct ‘she’s 9, buddy’.
what a way to start 2021. she’s 9 buddy 🙂 https://t.co/v7A3P4nZPC
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Burner ➐ (@AOC_burner) January 3, 2021
Other users tried to explain how people actually learn, with Twitter user explaining the term scaffolding (teaching a child where they’re at).
u might want to look up “scaffolding” because this isn’t it. it’s like ur more interested in a poetic twitter thread and rhapsodizing about the wonder of the mundane than actually just teaching ur kid where she’s at. making ur kid wait 6 hrs to eat isn’t something to brag about.
— gobbo (goblin bimbo) (@your_goblin_mom) January 3, 2021
Roderick seemed incredulous as the Twitterverse raised its collective eyebrow at his actions.
The only thing people are touchier about than parenting style is dog ownership.
— john roderick (@johnroderick) January 3, 2021
Famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.” To which Roderick tweets seem to reply, “lol ok.” According to Roderick’s tweets, he knows he can be infuriating and that his actions can be viewed as ‘parenting theater’. He also acknowledges he suffers from the same lack of perseverance he sees in his daughter.
Men really will spend six hours torturing their children with baked beans instead of going to therapy
— Rose (@RoseEmojiTico) January 3, 2021